The self is always under construction in relationships.

How I regulate my emotions

My behavior – what I do

Secure Attachment

            View of Self:  Capable, Trustworthy, Loveable

            View of Other:  Trustworthy, Available, Safe

Emotional fitness

Flexibility:  Health is described as the ability to fully listen to and engage inner experience, to trust this experience, and to create meanings that can then direct behavioral responses (Johnson,2019)

When there’s no secure attachment

Negative patterns of engagement with others create more suffering & reinforce negative working models  (View of Self, View of Other: )

Negative emotional regulation patterns :Hyperactivation, deactivation, or mix of both.

Emotions are seen as frightening, alien & unacceptable.  Rigid patterns block growth:  What was once a brilliant strategy of survival becomes ineffective.

Getting the patterns

Engagement w/others:  How does client deal with vulnerability?

What is their model of self & others? 

E.G., Client’s Pattern:  _Pleasing, ”Compassion stance”:

• Hides self & emotions, limited authentic engagement
• Uses Supression of emotion, especially core anger
• Numbing out – using procrastination, impulsiveness
• Breakthrough of emotion – Overwhelming panic

3 Stages:

Stage 1:   Stabilization : How clients shape their world

Stage 2:  Restructuring: Facilitating shifts in the way they shape their world

Stage 3:  Consolidating: consolidating changes in Models of Self and Others.